IA State Joke Thread

MelroseHawkins

MelroseHawkins

Well-Known Member
This big brawly burly guy walks into a bar with a snapping turtle on his shoulder. He orders up 3 shots of Red-Eye & drinks them down and bellows out “I’m the meanest, toughest son-of-a-beeeotch in this countyâ€. Guys in the bar chuckle. He’s says “So you don’t believe me, huh?†“If you buy me a drink, I’ll drop my pants and let that snapping turtle latch on to my rod and swing around ten times!†The bar patrons agreed.


The brawly burly guy indeed drops trow, and slaps the snapping turtle in the head causing it to snap on his manhood. He spins around 10 times as fast as he can, then stops, pokes the turtle in the eyes and the turtle lets go falling to the floor. He pulls his drawers up & bellows out “Ok, who’s next. Who can prove they are tougher than me? I will give anybody that does it $300.â€

From the back of the room walks up this scrawny 5’ 6â€, redheaded Cyclone fan with a soft squeaky voice that says “Sure, I’ll take your bet. I’ll take your bet only on account that you promise me one thing.†“What’s that?â€.


You promise me that you won’t poke me in the eye when I’m done! :p

Go Hawks!!
 
How do you if your home has been broken into by and ISU fan/alum? The garbage has been eaten and your dog is now pregnant.
 
Do you know why the Iowa State football team should change its name to the “Possums”?
– Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Why doesn’t Iowa State have ice on the sidelines?
– The guy with the recipe graduated.
ISU_unis_yellow_-_McDonalds.0.0.png

What do you get when you drive slowly by the Iowa State campus?
– A degree.
How do you get a Iowa State graduate off your porch?
– Pay him for the pizza.
Why is it that the Iowa State football team doesn’t have a web site?
– They can’t string three “Ws” together.
Did you hear that a Iowa State player was almost killed in a tragic horseback-riding accident?
– He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death.
Thank God the manager of the K-Mart came out and unplugged it.
What are the best four years of a Iowa State student’s life?
Third grade.



Johnny says to his mom: I want to be a Cyclone when I grow up.
– Mom: But Johnny, you can’t do both.
A Iowa student and a Iowa State student are both using the men’s room. When they finish their business, the Iowa student heads for the door, while the Iowa State student heads for the sink.
The Cyclone calls to the Iowa student, “At Iowa State, they teach us to wash our hands after using the bathroom.”
The Iowa student replies, “At Iowa, they teach us not to pee on our hands.”
I heard that Iowa State Coach was only dressing twenty-two players against Iowa.
– He said the rest could dress themselves!
How many Cyclones does it take to screw in a light bulb?
– One, but he gets 3 credit hours.
What is the difference between a Cyclone and Rice Crispies?
– Rice Crispies know what to do in a bowl.
Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco Chase?
– On the Iowa State campus. That’s the last place you’d find a football player.
Why don’t Cyclones let their kids play in sand boxes?
– Because the cats keep covering them up.
A Cyclone walks into a doctor’s office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, “How can I help you?”
– The frog replies, ‘I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt.’
Why do Cyclones keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
– So they can park in handicap spaces.
What do you call a good looking girl on the Iowa State campus?
– A visitor.
What did the Iowa State graduate say to the Iowa graduate upon meeting?
– Hi! Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order please?
What do you call 144 Cyclones?
– Gross ignorance.
Did you hear about the power outage at the Iowa State library?
– Forty Cyclones were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Did you hear about the fire in Iowa State’s football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
– The real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet.
 
An Iowa grad, and Iowa State grad and a UNI grad find themselves in the bathroom at the same time.

The UNI grad finishes first and he goes to the sink and washes his hands with soap and water and then dries them with the paper towels. The other two just kinda stare. He says "At UNI we are taught to be clean."

The Iowa State grad goes to the sink and uses the minimal amount of water with a small amount of soap and then dries his hands with just one paper towel. The other two again stare. He says "At Iowa State we are taught to be clean and to be mindful of the environment."

The Iowa grad pushes past the other two and as he heads out the door he says "At Iowa we are taught not to pee on our hands."
 
HaydenHawk56 said:
Do you know why the Iowa State football team should change its name to the “Possums�
– Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Why doesn’t Iowa State have ice on the sidelines?
– The guy with the recipe graduated.
ISU_unis_yellow_-_McDonalds.0.0.png

What do you get when you drive slowly by the Iowa State campus?
– A degree.
How do you get a Iowa State graduate off your porch?
– Pay him for the pizza.
Why is it that the Iowa State football team doesn’t have a web site?
– They can’t string three “Ws†together.
Did you hear that a Iowa State player was almost killed in a tragic horseback-riding accident?
– He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death.
Thank God the manager of the K-Mart came out and unplugged it.
What are the best four years of a Iowa State student’s life?
Third grade.



Johnny says to his mom: I want to be a Cyclone when I grow up.
– Mom: But Johnny, you can’t do both.
A Iowa student and a Iowa State student are both using the men’s room. When they finish their business, the Iowa student heads for the door, while the Iowa State student heads for the sink.
The Cyclone calls to the Iowa student, “At Iowa State, they teach us to wash our hands after using the bathroom.â€
The Iowa student replies, “At Iowa, they teach us not to pee on our hands.â€
I heard that Iowa State Coach was only dressing twenty-two players against Iowa.
– He said the rest could dress themselves!
How many Cyclones does it take to screw in a light bulb?
– One, but he gets 3 credit hours.
What is the difference between a Cyclone and Rice Crispies?
– Rice Crispies know what to do in a bowl.
Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco Chase?
– On the Iowa State campus. That’s the last place you’d find a football player.
Why don’t Cyclones let their kids play in sand boxes?
– Because the cats keep covering them up.
A Cyclone walks into a doctor’s office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, “How can I help you?â€
– The frog replies, ‘I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt.’
Why do Cyclones keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
– So they can park in handicap spaces.
What do you call a good looking girl on the Iowa State campus?
– A visitor.
What did the Iowa State graduate say to the Iowa graduate upon meeting?
– Hi! Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order please?
What do you call 144 Cyclones?
– Gross ignorance.
Did you hear about the power outage at the Iowa State library?
– Forty Cyclones were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Did you hear about the fire in Iowa State’s football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
– The real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet.
Click to expand...

That's some funny stuff there. It's sad that it's all true.
 
At last week's game, the ISU PA announcer said, "There's a tractor in the parking lot with it's lights on with Iowa State license plates E-I-E-I-O".


You can't spell "Bunch of worthless, unathletic, clumsy, clowns with a worthless head coach and pathetic high school stadium" without ISU.

This will be Sam Richarson's last game. After the game is over, President Obama is sending him to Iran to overthrow Khamenei, because he heard that Richardson overthrows everyone.

Three doctors were bragging about their accomplishments. The first doctor said, "I took a man that lost both legs, sewed them back on, and he won the Boston Marathon." The second doctor said, "I took a woman that lost both arms, sewed them back on, and she became a concert pianist." The third doctor said, "That's nothing! I took a rectum and a red hat and he became the head football coach for Iowa State."

How many ISU grads does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They'll be able to see when the meth lab explodes.

What do you get when you have an Iowa State fan buried up to his neck?
More sand.

What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of an Iowa State fan?
A tattoo

What do Iowa State players call the mentally handicapped?
Coach
 
How many Iowa State fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

4, 1 to screw it in and 3 to tell you about how good Seneca Wallace was.
 
HawkWT said:
How many Iowa State fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

4, 1 to screw it in and 3 to tell you about how good Seneca Wallace was.
Click to expand...

This joke is masterful, it could also apply to basketball with Marcus fizer or niang
 
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